To je zvalo djetinstvo - This was a Call for Childhood - A poem by Zlatko Tomicic - JCS 21

ZLATKO TOMIČIĆ, A SELECTION OF POEMS

TO JE ZVALO DJETINJSTVO

THIS WAS A CALL FOR CHILDHOOD

I svinut nad ženom kao dugi slap nad vodom, spoznao sam, da je to zvalo cijelo djetinjstvo. I   nisam bio taman, bio sam čist, kao onaj što se svlači sam nad jezerom. Zbog tog je djetinjstvo bilo nedovršeno. Ne zato, što nisam nikome — tko je stekao svoj rast — bio do ramena. To je zvalo cijelo djetinjstvo. Bio sam sretan. Bio sam brijest, kojem je vjetar zametnuo tvrde sjemenke medju lišćem. No bojao sam se ponavljati. Tako je bilo djetinjstvo prekinuto; bio sam sretan, ali sam postao proklet zbog ljubavi. Nisam više mogao disati u sigurnom očekivanju, koje me dotad podizalo kao šumski plamičak. Bio sam ostavljen svojem stasu poput svijete. Kako sam žudio, da budem zapaljen! Dizao sam se na prste zbog nedovršenosti. Kad se dokončao clan djetinjstva, došla je željena tama muškosti. I ja sam zasvijetlio, te se stao smanjivati.

And bent over the woman like a high cascade over the water, I became aware that this was a call for a whole childhood. And I was not gloomy, I was clean like one who undresses alone by the lake. Because my childhood was unfinished. Not because I could not, reach even to the shoulders of anyone who had reached his full growth. This was a call for a whole childhood. I was happy. I was an elm whose hard seeds were scattered among the leaves by the wind. But I was afraid to repeat it. So my childhood was interrupted; I was happy, but I became accursed because of love. I could no longer sigh in the secure expectation which till then had exalted me like a tiny flame in the woods. I was left to grow to my own stature like a candle. How I longed to be lit up! I tried to stand on tiptoe because of my inadequacy. When the day of childhood ended there came then the darkness of manhood. And I came alight, and began to grow smaller. NIZETEO & TATUM